From music to tv to film, we are always talking about sex in some way. Right now I’m remembering the ripple that George Michael’s song “I Want Your Sex” caused, but before that, there was Marvin Gaye, “Let’s Get it On”. Television’s edgy play with sex evolved to include sex in the title with the hit series “Sex in the City”. Since then, we’ve become even more open and free about talking about sex these days.

In other words, sex is everywhere in our modern culture. However, studies show that people are having less sex than ever. Women’s hormone challenges with libido and fertility are consistently on the rise. Furthermore, intimacy in healthy couples is waning with no signs of turning around. Where is all this coming from?

In witnessing my own personal journey through rescuing my hormones from their own suppression, I’ve researched these topics to support my own healing journey and get my groove back. Here’s what I can say so far:

Intimacy starts with me. Yes, I said it.  However, maybe your first thought about self-pleasure and intimacy came to mind. This is not what I am initially talking about. Being intimate with oneself involves various approaches.

One of the definitions of intimacy is “closely acquainted, familiar”. And who better to become closely acquainted and familiar with than ourselves? Let’s break in down in the mind, body, spirit format.

Mind

First things first, how do you think? I mean, how do you talk to yourself. What is the tone of that inner voice? Is it harsh and full of judgments, constantly chalking up all your failures? Does it constantly remind you that you are not good enough? Or, is your inner voice sweet, kind, patient, and nurturing. How much slack do you give yourself? If you lean towards being harsh with yourself and your inner tone is always full of judgments versus praise, you are chipping away at your inner-trust. This leads to you not feeling entirely comfortable in your own skin, and yes – this means that you are not closely acquainted with yourself.

Work on adjusting that voice. Try to listen closely and see when and where your inner mean girl likes to voice her opinion. Notice the patterns and see where you can make some shifts. Journaling is a beautiful tool to help work out the process of transforming your inner voice.

Body

Two valuable resources I cherish and consistently recommend are a book and a person. My go-to book is called “Woman Code – Perfect your cycle, Amplify your fertility, Supercharge your sex drive, and become a Power Source” by Alissa Vitti. My go-to person is Kim Anami.

Let’s talk about Alissa Vitti’s book. It changed my life. Why? Because I was already doing some of the things she recommended, self-care, no gluten, etc. But eating different foods based on different phases of my cycle, that was a huge shift for me. Alissa has a great facebook page full of information and an app called flo living, do check them out.

Now, Kim Anami is provocative for some, but she made me think about intimacy and self-pleasure in new ways as well. Specifically noting that all our other success in life is directly tied to our ability to know what we want in the pleasure department and how to develop the physical skills to get there. Check out her website, she has fun and effective programs on offer. Kim has also circulated in the podcast realm, thus if you want a preview first – check out some of her interviews.

Net, both of these resources point to what we innately know as women. We are powerful and divine beings. We can be emotional and that is okay! Whether raw, messy, perfectly imperfect we are humans us women and need to remember how great we really are. So let’s celebrate a little more of that, shall we?

And, along with the tools already mentioned of course, I use essential oils to support libido and intimacy via my hormones. 

Here’s some of my top picks:

Clary Calm

This blend is traditionally used to balance hormones and manage women’s monthly cycle symptoms. During moments of heat, apply to the skin for a cooling, soothing effect. Diffuse or roll inside the wrists for a calming aroma that helps soothe heightened emotions.

Ylang Ylang 

A widely used aphrodisiac throughout the aromatherapy world and one of the best essential oils for sex. Its gentle floral scent is appealing to nearly everyone, diffuse and place a drop over the heart.

Whisper

Containing some of the most elegant and unique oils, Whisper Blend mixes with your body’s own chemistry to offer a distinct scent and provide support for women throughout the month. Wear it as a “pure-fume”, applied behind the ears and over the heart, and/or diffuse.

Fractionated Coconut Oil

An all-natural and safe carrier oil to use your essential oils for massage and topical skin application to avoid skin sensitivity. It’s light, fragrance-free, and easy absorbed into all skin types.

Rose Oil

Excellent for uplifting emotions, Rose essential oil helps balance moisture levels in the skin and reduces the appearance of skin imperfections. It promotes an even skin tone and healthy complexion. And moreover supports low libido, irregular ovulation, and fertility when applied topically or diffused. Emotionally, Rose moves one from feeling isolated to feeling loved.

Jasmine Oil

Reduces the appearance of skin imperfections and gives your skin that healthy-looking glow. Like other floral oils, it also uplifts moods and energizes the mind and body. Jasmine is especially good for supporting PMS, low libido, ovulation, and fertility when applied topically or diffused.

Petal Diffuser

Set the right mood with this user-friendly diffuser that delivers an essential oil’s health-promoting and air-purifying benefits to any environment. It has three timed settings—1, 2, & 4 hours—allowing you to customize the release of essential oils into the air. It’s stable, light, and easy to use—perfect for the bedroom and beyond.

I work with doTERRA essential oils, and if you want to know how you can get your own, click here.

Spirit

In the great advice of the luminary Louise Hay, you must love yourself first! Her book “You Can Heal Your Life” is a beautiful tool to support your personal growth and evolution. 

As she recommends, look in a mirror and tell yourself “I love you”. 

Maybe verbally say all the things you love about yourself. Notice how this feels in your body. If it feels natural, you are good. If it feels uncomfortable, you have work to do. Start by watching your inner voice every day. Send yourself Metta (loving-kindness), and breathe. Do the mirror work recommended by Louise, and do not be afraid if you feel silly, you might at first but then you will get more comfortable as you feel your inner radiance begins to shine brighter. 

Net, when we are taking better care of ourselves on all the levels, our intimacy and libido will naturally go up. It’s not an overnight do this today and tomorrow, life will be completely different, it’s always s step-by-step approach. Take note that gradually, things will begin to change. And, remember you can call in change anytime you wish!

From my heart to yours,

Jen xx